Who knows? Go figure.

Let me be clear -- I have never claimed to be a genius (well maybe once or twice) but I will say I am a relatively intelligent woman. Which makes it extremely odd that I should utter the phrases "huh?," "I have no clue," and/or "what the $%#@&" every single day.

What is that all about? Truth is -- I couldn't tell you. Mostly everything and everyone confuses the daylights out of me. Go figure. It's gotten to the point where I make that squinty-eyed face (you know -- the one that you typically make when saying "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?") so often that I am afraid my mother will be right and my face will stay like that forever. Which may not be a bad thing. It would save me the energy of having to contract all those muscles to contort my face at least five to six times a day (more if a workday and I am in the office).

What's with being so complicated -- or more specifically -- unclear???? It drives me nuts (as does the sound of nails being clipped but that's for another blog). One of my favorite statements (and I am pretty sure the one that keeps me single) is "Clarity is the most precious gift." You don't have to be the smartest, the nicest, the best looking, the richest -- you just have to be clear! OK...you know where this is going...in the direction of you guys (although there are plenty of woman who are guilty in this arena). "Why do you want to make me nuts?" It's not like I need any additional help getting there for crying out loud!

I have a beautiful friend who is writing a book titled "The Y Chromosome: Why?" Aside from being a very clever and funny name -- it is true. "Why???????"

Why don't you do what you say?
Why don't you say what you do?
Why don't you do what I say?
Say, is that what you want me to do?
Why? What are you trying to say?
Why not?
Do you not understand why?
And last but not least...Why are you driving me nuts?

I love you but I hate you. I am interested so I am going to ignore you. I'm not into you but kiss me. I like pears but pears give me a rash. We make a great pair but I need to fly solo. Make sure to call me but I won't answer. Marry me...nahhh, I was kidding, I really don't want a wife. Go out with me...oh I can't because I have a wife. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHH! Questa tortura non finisce mai! (This torture never ends.)

S-P-E-L-L I-T O-U-T P-L-E-A-S-E (or I will have to write you off)...that goes if you are male, female, family, friend, colleague, love interest, whatever -- be clear. Some may be saying "Wow -- she's drawing the line in the sand." What I am really doing is sharing what it takes to play nice in the sandbox. And there's the rub...every unclear answer, every indifference, ambiguity, purposeful omission or scarcity of fact, thought or emotion, amounts to someone who really does not want to play nicely with you. Face it -- being clear is also bestowing respect and appreciation. Ahhhhhhh, I'm on a roll...in two minutes I'll be able to connect lack of clarity to global warming ...I already know it is behind the recession, higher divorce rates, less happy people, and loneliness...and quite possibly, vegetarianism. (C'mon can you really trust someone who won't eat a cheeseburger?)

Anyway, I love knowing where I stand -- wherever it is. Doesn't necessarily mean I get what I want -- but it prevents me from wasting my energy on those people, projects and personalities that do not deserve it...and giving all that and more to the precious tesori (treasures) in my life that do. Sounds simple, right? You would think. Who knows? Very few apparently.

Clearly, I am trying to make a point here.

Gotta go (figure).

-Andy