It's About That Time...

I have no time. You have no time. Does that make us timeless? or simply lacking time? Yes. No. Maybe. Oh crap, I'm really confused now.

Ok, so it's been months since I have contributed, let alone, visited, my own blog. If you must know, I haven't had the time or energy to write -- sad, because it is something I truly love. I know it's one freakin' stupid decision. And although I am exhausted and should be using my time sleeping, I am going to explain my stupidity...at the risk of sounding even more stupid (I am tired after all).

The source of my lack of minutes to savor the things I enjoy in life is an extremely demanding career...and the time-consuming (albeit comedic) attempts at finding that guy who is going to make me want to stop and chill, and give me chills... both easier said than done. There's plenty of other stuff in between too...but for the most part, career trumps all categories these days.

Why don't I take the time to say the things I want to say in this silly blog (which I love), express myself with paint (which I love), spend more time with friends and family (whom I love), and more often call to tell those that I love (that I love them)? I don't have the time...apparently, to live life. I know it's the wrong answer and I want to find the right one.

Thankfully, I am never at a loss for a good epiphany. They tend to hit me when I least expect (or want) them to. Well, I had one this past Thursday. I was at my office desk early...only a couple hours after having left it the evening prior. Wiped and stressed out, I was juggling a really bad work week -- clenched teeth, periodic phone slams and yes -- frequent screaming at the screen while reading email. Oh the drama. As far as "times" go, it sucked. And then I got a text from my dear friend Lola who told me she was flying to Florida as her mom was rushed to the hospital.

Sobering. We were discussing her the evening prior as this woman -- such a love -- was concerned about my job, having been following the NY news in Florida. I remember telling Lola that her mom was an absolute sweetheart for caring about me and that I just loved her. Lola joked that she had told her mom that I sorta wished I was one of the people losing their job but no such luck. We had a good laugh and said we would speak in the morning.

By the end of the business day on Thursday, Lola's mom had passed...in no time at all... All the emails, creeping deadlines, irate executives, everything -- meant nothing. I believe they call this "perspective." The things that suck the life out of my days meant nothing in comparison to the loss of this precious life.

I cried so hard. I cried for Lola's mom, for Lola and her pain...and I must confess, for me. The same thing could easily happen to me...to any of us. We take so many of our joys for granted because we assume they will be there tomorrow. Not always the case.

Where am I going with this? I'll tell you. I am going for the gusto. If I love
you, you sure as hell are going to know it. If I want to eat, drink, buy, kiss, curse, flirt, shop, paint, write, cry and especially, laugh with all of my being -- I am going to do it...today...not tomorrow. I am done with waiting to relish the things and people I love because I don't have the time...precisely because I (actually, none of us) don't have the time.

Lola is a wonderful soul, daughter, and as friends go, she's a love, just like her mom. This is an important time to make sure she knows that...and I hope I just did.

God bless you Mrs. Schmidt...we will always remember and relish the good times with you...and love you. Oh, and by the way...please give my dad a big hug and let him know my job is safe...I know he's following the news too.

Tempus fugit,
Andy